2:50 a.m.

Here we are again. 2:50 am. and still awake. I just began the "I'm having some problems" conversation with him. The conversation was short and then was cut short by a lack of response from him. Maybe he fell asleep (it is late) but he never does that to me. Or he never did. The thing is, I can't help but know that if Ashley were the one going to him with her problems, he would drop everything (even me?) and rush to help her and talk to her until everything was better. Hell, he would drive all the way to North Providence, despite the early hour, and comfort her. I can't even get him to my house at 11 p.m.

He also said he wanted to hang out with me on one of my days off. I have two. One was today. One is tomorrow. He didn't talk to me at all today until around 3 p.m. and when I asked him to come to a dinner with me he said he already had plans. When I asked him to hang out with me tomorrow, he said he has plans to go to Boston and stay the night. All of the above is fine. But DON'T ASK ME TO HANG OUT IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT. I'm getting so frustrated! I get my hopes up for disappointment. I'd settle for "got my hopes up for nothing" over "got my hopes up for disappointment". I know I shouldn't be complaining because I do get to see him. I just want to see him during the day. I want to do things. I want to have fun. When we only hang out at night we just talk and bug each other about what we could do, settle on nothing, and then have sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it and I'm not saying we should cut down on that. I just wish we could do other things also.

I'm just at the point where my next step is to just explode at him and I would really rather not do that. Unfortunately, I don't think I can hold it in much longer.