Okay, so she is having family issues. I can understand that. I really can. I have helped so many friends get though family (or close enough to be family) problems. I just hate that he felt like he had to ask. I don't want to be that girlfriend, but at the same time, I'm glad that he did. Well, kind of. It's hard to explain even to myself. I'm glad he asked but I've never felt so stupid after the reason was revealed. I don't want to be this jealous and I honestly don't know why I am. I know nothing will happen, I just can't let it go. And I know that even though he is just "being there" for her, I still won't like it. Maybe he is just "getting her mind off of it" but it will still bother me. And THAT bothers me.
I think I'm also bothered because I don't want to be just "another issue on his plate". I hate myself for crying last night. I want to say it's because I feel bad that he has to deal with this from two girls, but I can't because then I feel like I'm not being fair to myself. I understand his situation because if I had to choose between my boyfriend and my best friend, I would have a he'll of a hard time and I would try to do both as best I can. But he can't just brush off my problem. If it were school related or drama related maybe, but this is a serious problem and he I making me feel like it's not important. I came to the realization last night that I am terrified. I don't even what to be thinking about half of the things I'm thinking about now and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Thinking about how he is handling this with me/for me wants me want to cry even more.
When I first told him, I felt bad. It's big news. But he never even asked how I was. Or he did, but not until it was obvious that something was wrong. Last night, I went to bed before him and started crying. When he came to bed, he told me to stop crying because he had to get up early the next day. I've never wanted to just leave the room so badly. I understand she is having family problems, but this is BOTh of our problem and the fact that he barely seems to care unless I am blatantly upset about it cuts me so deep.
I play the strong girl who doesn't let much get to her. But I'm sick of being strong. I want someone to be strong for me. I want someone to tell me it's going to be okay. I want someone to just... be there. Is it wrong for me to want that someone to be him? Is it selfish to want his attention at this point? Am I a terrible person for wishing she hadn't chosen him to vent to, at least right now?
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