Fear

Fear. That one feeling that I don't feel very often. It's so rare in fact that this strange feeling can be nothing but fear. It's that feeling when you take a deep breath, you keep sucking air in because you have no lungs. Your heart sounds like a marching band drum line pounding in your ear, but it's impossible because you are sitting in a quiet room all alone. Where in the pit of your stomach, it feels like there is no pit. And maybe that is what you want, what you are looking for. If you don't have a stomach, nothing can happen. But it starts somewhere deeper than that, lower at least. Can that not exist? Can it disappear? Or maybe go to the other extreme. Give me a sign that it is there, that it does exist. Any sign, physical pain even. Help me to know. There is no fear like this fear. This is not a first for me, but it's the first time I have felt this fear over it. I refuse to analyze it for fear that considering my options is admitting there is, in fact, a problem. I'm not ready for that. There is no problem. Thus, there is no fear.

But then what is this feeling?