Contraditions

Do I want to study abroad?
Yes.
So what's holding me back?

I don't want to be that girl who uses her boyfriend as her excuse for doing or not doing something but in this case it's honestly all I can think about. I've never been this attached to a guy before. It's only been a few months but we're going on a year of "attachment" and I feel things I've never felt before. If I were to go abroad it would probably be next spring or maybe even the fall of my junior year. My issue is I am confident that we are going to work and if we do, how attached will I be that far down the road? I figure giving myself time will make it better, plus I have time to plan and save some money.

Travelling has always been my dream and I can't just let that go for him. This is what I want to do with my life. I guess, realizing that I might have to encounter this a lot if it is my dream, then I should get used to it. The earlier the better. But I find it so hard to just cut all ties and not feel any remorse about it. By cutting ties, I don't mean breaking up, I mean letting go of problems. We fight often when we see each other every day; what would it be like when we are in two different hemispheres?

The more I analyze this the more I realize how ridiculous I am sounding. I am contradicting myself with every word because I say that I don't want to make decisions based on him but every thought I have on the subject relates back to him. It would be so beneficial to me if I go. I need to think about that. I need to go for me.

Of course the other issue is money. Time to talk to the 'rents. Priorities here.