I've decided that blogging is a little like going to the gym. Once you start, you can't stop. But once you stop, it's really hard to start back up again. I had reached that point, but fixed it today. It's so addicting so fast!
Well, what has been going on in my life? Hmmm...
First, my best friend Kelsey's wedding was December 19, 2010. It was beautiful and everything ran perfectly. I bawled my eyes out, of course. I hate making the day about me, but I absolutely hated the dress she made me wear and the way my hair was put up. Everyone said it looked good but it just wasn't me. I felt uncomfortable the whole night. Not to mention my breasts were hanging out because the dress was strapless and... awful. I didn't say anything (obviously) because she is my best friend and it was her wedding. Other than my own comfort, the day/night was perfect. The couple looked to happy. I"m happy for them. I love those two so much. But so much is going to change. Just the other day, when the two got back from their honeymoon and after Christmas, she invited me over. I accepted the invitation and went to her new apartment in the basement of her parents house. Just being there felt weird. I felt like I was in one of those awkward TV shows where two married couples get together and play board games because that is a much fun as they can have. My friend Dan and I sat silently unless the activity required words. I hate that her marriage and her baby are goiong to change everything. No, I feel guilty saying that. What I really mean is that I hate that I have to change myself around her because of her marriage and her baby. Yes, I am being extremely selfish and self-centered, but honestly? Everyone tells me that I need to be there for her and do all this stuff for her. Why do I have to change my life because of what she did? i would never have come home from school this past semester if it weren't for her. Everyone looks down on things I do because I chose them over her. I have a new life now, new priorities, new friends. She will always, always be my best friend, but I can't take changing my life for her. I just can't do it. We both had a dream. The only difference between us now is that I am actually living it.
Next I guess would be the change of my current status from "single" to "in a relationship". :) It happened on New Years Day, which is what the post right before this one is talking about. I am so happy I can't even explain it. it has been close to eight months since we started... talking I guess, and he still gives me the chills when I see that I have a text from him. I still get excited when I know that I will get to see him. I still only want to talk to him every day. I can't explain what I'm feeling or how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling so I'm just not even going to try. Instead, for once, I am just going to enjoy the feeling. Unofficially, this is the longest relationship I've been in. I would like for it to officially be the longest relationship I've been in. I don't want to get ahead of myself because God knows I will jinx myself, but I really hope this works out. Not for my sake but for his sake. I don't know what would happen to him if he were to get hurt again, and so soon after his last heartbreak. I saw him go through that and I still think we are official too soon. I am going to keep my mouth shut because I am sooo happy right now, but it worries me. I care about this boy too much to see him get hurt again. I will not be that girl for him. I will be who he wants me to be, while still being me. I refuse to change, but so far, eight months in, I haven't had to for him. I love that. Maybe I have nothing to be scared of after all...
There are 20 days left until we return to URI. I can not wait. Until next time...
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